Eventually I'll Live

Part 1: The Sobriety of Love

     Don’t panic, this is not another article about what you “need” to do in order to make a relationship work. Lawd knows those opinions and quotes are endless!!! As per usual, this is a writing from my heart, my mind and my soul. Oh…..and also my opinion (hahahha). Love…the word itself is attached to a few well known categories. I.e. Companionship, friendship, and family. In part two we will explore something that doesn’t win the popular vote, loving strangers. The uncommon concept of loving strangers may be the very reason we experience so much malice in our lives and the world. But todays topic is much more juicy!! Today we will explore the depth of love and its attachment to companionship. Think about these statements: Love is a concern! Love is overrated! Love makes me happy! Love hurts! Love is….blah blah blah! Let’s be honest, we have all heard/said it all…with some added adjectives I’m sure. But here’s a new one, love requires us to be f*****g sober! Let me explain, it all started here:

    I was attending one of my best friend’s wedding a few years back as a groomsman. At my age, weddings are a regular occurrence and quiet honestly…eventually the excitement begins to teeter. But there was something different about this particular day, it felt special. It was required for all groomsman to arrive early to get dressed, take pictures, and partake in other miscellaneous shenanigans. All of the groomsmen along with the groom, sat in a midsize elegant room having “locker room” talk as we were getting dressed. As time passed, they decided to make a liquor store run. During that time I was three years clean of drinking, so I stayed back with the groom. Initially, there were a few moments of awkward elevator silence in the room. He’s African, so he’s typically a quiet guy (shots fired). I’m typically a talker but now that I think about it, there was a strategy behind this unusual mute moment. I was a very “religious” guy at the time. You know the type I’m talking about! If the conversation wasn’t about adult Jesus, I didn’t want to talk. If you brought up baby Jesus, my response would be “when I was a child, I spake as a child”. hahahahaha. Not literally but you get the point. I sought out something spiritual in every moment. Oh how times have changed, thank God for growth. Anyways, I remember seeking a sense of the room. I searched for anxiety, nervousness, and doubt! But it was to no avail.

   My best friend (the groom) is literally one of the smartest people I’ve ever met. This says a lot considering I’ve worked as a chemist, traveled the world quite a bit, and have been blessed to meet some really smart individuals. But as smart as he is, he constantly doubts himself with just about EVERYTHING! Honestly, I don’t think it’s all doubt…It’s humility as well; he never wants to come off as arrogant. As I’m writing this, I’m reminded of how blessed I am to have him in my life. Anyways, back to the room! I remember this conversation word for word like it was an hour ago. As the silence broke…

Me: Sooooo my boy, are you ready??

The Groom: hahahaha (his usual slight modest initial laugh)

Me: **I patiently waited quietly, waiting on a humble/doubtful response. But to my surprise, I saw an intensity in his eyes I HAD NEVER SEEN BEFORE!

The Groom: Kydric…you know me! I’m usually doubtful about things. But for the first time in my life, this is something I’m absolutely sure about! This is my wife!

   By this time, the guys had made it back with the milds and yak. They were pouring up and I noticed the groom didn’t take a drink. He usually drinks so I asked “Aye, you not drinking?” He responded “Naaaa, I want to be completely sober during this moment”.

         PEOPLE! That moment changed my life dramatically. It was like a renewing of my mind and broadening of my perspective on love. I saw a man who understood the importance of being sober while in the presence of unconditional love (his wife and God). I saw a man who understood the fragility of love. This understanding is crucial for us to comprehend, especially as men! A sober man possess the strength and ability it takes to offer a woman the fullness of who God created him to be. Sobriety surrounds itself with vision, stability, consistency, strength and most importantly of all, discipline! All of which titrates the purity of love. Lacking vision, stability, consistency, strength and discipline will quickly magnify the fragility of love. Mark 3:27 says “In fact, no one can enter a strong man’s house without first tying him up. Then he can plunder the strong man’s house”. When I decided to become the prodigal son, taking a shot of tequila was one of the first things I decided to do. Then I decided to date without purpose, well….sex was pretty much the purpose. Mark 3:27 is not only speaking of a physical home but is referring to man himself! The goal of the enemy is to catch man when he is not in a sober place, tie him up and enter into his home (his soul). Once that is accomplished, a man’s mind is weakened, his eyes are blurred, his heart loses strength, his words are not consistent, and his home loses stability. How can a man paralyzed by a lack of sobriety in all of these areas fully love someone? The inevitable happens next, adultery becomes the standard, forgiveness is expected, and loudly someone’s heart cries out the words, “love hurts”.

      Before I close, I would like to add that they are still married with a beautiful little girl. I will also add that I’m confident in his faithfulness to his family and we should not only pray continually for them but for all families. I think that’s important to point out, because if you’re anything like me and have done some of the things I’ve done in my life, you know embodying faithfulness is rare. But here’s the good news, the opportunity for sobriety is there, it starts with a decision. The meaning of love has been under attack since before we were born. I think it’s safe to say our daily observations throughout life influence our beliefs and actions. But dare I say, our observations are part of a cycle that wasn’t meant to be? We attempt to live up to a fraudulent blueprint of what love “looks like”. We have replaced the meaning of something that will last forever….with a false image❤. 1 Corinthians 13:13 says “there are three things that will last forever! Hope, Faith, and Love! Out of these three, Love is the greatest”. God bless!

               Eventually I’ll live, 

                                          ~Ky